Sunday, August 01, 2004
...aBoUt tHe UpCaT aNd sWeEt nOtHiNgS...
Raph did great with the layout. I really love it! =) I can't imagine how this blog would look if i did the HTML myself. Ick. But i'm proud to say that I embeded the chobits music myself. =)
Newaiz, I decided to take a break from all that studying. Dealing with Math for two straight hours caused my brain system to crash. lol. It's already next week and I believe I still have a lot of catching up to do. My mom's constant and annoying reminders of studying for the UPCAT have seeped into my consciousness only now. Why only now? I've wasted too much time doing nothing last summer! She was sooo right. Now I regret not prioritizing my review. All I can do right now is to cram. (That's what I'm good at, btw! lol.)
But I actually made something good out of myself last summer. I don't know how, but I just gradually transformed into my complete opposite for the past four months. I've been unusually quiet and more at peace with the world. I only talk when I have something important to say. I don't speak when it's not necessary.
I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but I've noticed that I've lost my kikay-ness. I could just leave the house without anything, not even lipbalm, on my face and I wouldn't feel incomplete. I would only comb my hair after taking a bath, and that would be it. I wouldn't care. lol. I barely use my lipglosses and even my once-super-duper-loved lip and cheek tint. But mind you, I still haven't lost my fashion sense. lol. But really, I'm turning into a simple girl...and I'm actually comfortable with being simple.
I used to think being a simple girl would make me a boring person. I wanted to be different in our school so I acted kikay and loud. But over the summer, I discovered more about myself. Yes, I still am gifted with a creative and nonconformist style, but I learned to fuss less about my looks and more on my worth as a person. I've grown less fonder of vanity. I've learned to actually become down-to-earth. I've learned to care less on the outside and more on the inside....and it feels just right.
I've matured now, I just know it. I know it'll take some time for some people to understand why I've changed--well, it'll take me a while to understand these changes too--but I'm sure that when they do, I'll be known as a better person. It's a good change, I can feel it. I'm getting closer to being a woman in my current Not-A-Girl-Not-Yet-A-Woman stage. I've learned to conquer my fears, especially that of Math. =) I've learned to be more tolerant of others, and, in connection with that, I've learned to control myself. No more impulsive let-out-of-my-mouths. I've learned the importance of being a doer and not just a dreamer. You will never be able to reach your goals if you cannot break through your inhibitions. And when you're done, you'll be able to say, "I came, I saw, I conquered."
But there are some things that will never change about me. I will always be light even if I now think and speak with more depth. I will always be a hopeless romantic even if I now think less of my love life. I will always be smiling even if I've shed the annoyingly perky facade. I will always be sensitive even if I know now how to hold back my tears. And remember...
I will always be a dreamer...
