Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Stop right now, thankyouverymuch.
For the very first time in my entire life, I slept at 4:30 AM just for the Audio-Visual Presentation for Saturday's induction ball. *sends e-hugs to Ate Nina and Ate Faith for being great work buddies* (Here's to more late-night-slash-early morning coffee and doughnut sessions!)
Darn it. I need a lot of sleep. But of course, I have to finish my part for the Inductees' Edition of Psycle, work on my four-chapter problem set due on Friday, start typing my Psych 101 assignment, and read for Soc Sci 3 on Friday.
Oh, and have I mentioned that I've been playing too much Spice Girls lately? (Hee-hee, admit it, you were once a fan too! :D) I need more uppers... more, I say! Can't I just go back to the Grade 4 days when all I had to accomplish was my Spice Girls sticker collection?
I. NEED. A BREAK.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Who saved my day.
A few hours ago I found myself breaking down on the phone with my parents. I kept telling them about how stressful life has been, how I can't just give them my decision about something with my modeling, schoolwork plus org work, blah, blah, blah... And at that moment, I felt like a seven-year-old just wanting to hear her parents' voices to make her feel okay.
Maybe I just am not mature enough to live too independently. Just great, I'm turning 18 in six months. During that moment, I wondered what a mess I would have been tonight if I hadn't texted my mom "Hindi ko na talaga kaya!" I'd probably still be bawling my eyes out just because stress has gotten the best of me. I'm just so glad they called me up and helped me with my problem.
At the end of the day, all you've really got is family.
"Don't forget to pray to God for all the blessings He continues to shower you everyday! I think it's about time you realize that."
Monday, November 21, 2005
Priorities? What priorities?
Here's a list of all the things I have to accomplish for the rest of the week:
me the blessing of supreme memory and intense mental endurance. So help me God.
Can't anyone just live this bitchin' week for me?
****
"Priorities? What priorities?"
Welcome, Hell Week. The sem has just started and you've paid me such an early visit.
For the rest of the week, all my priorities will tie at No. 1. Just great. I've got acads, org duties, AND modeling to attend to. I can't leave any of the three for next week. First of all, I promised myself to never let my acads suffer even if the great GC Spirit hasn't come to me yet. Secondly, the induction's next Saturday already so we have no choice but to work our asses off. Lastly, I haven't been to Elan in months! So much for this whole org hype that I've forgotten about my duties as a responsible talent. (Haha, I can't believe I'm actually calling myself a talent. I don't want to say model naman noh! And wow, how conyo naman my past two sentences! So nakakaloka!)
So to the people I have to deal with, puh-leez bear with me. Or better yet, cooperate.
****
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is such a bitch.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Swaying through sickness.
I didn't go to school yesterday. I was sick. Bed-ridden, actually. Everytime I tried sitting up, I would feel like vomiting. I missed a Chem quiz, which thank God wasn't recorded, and of course, I missed a day to bond with my buddies. I missed you guys!
I hate being sick. I hate feeling weak and vulnerable. I hate having to throw up every ten minutes or flushing pills down my throat.
But if I could have my mom stay longer and have everyone asking if I'm well already, I wouldn't mind getting sick too often.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Where are you, Happy Girl?
In Anthro 10, I learned that the most effective way to study and observe an individual or a group of people is to look at things from the Other point of view. Why? The Other is able to detect flaws (in cultural context, of course, to say so is rather racist) that the Self would simply overlook and probably deny.
Enough of this technical shit.
A block personality just told me this afternoon that the things I wrote in my Friendster profile are completely different from the way I act around them. She was wondering how someone who seems to constantly have a smile plastered on her face can be so depressed at the same time.
And I didn't really know that. Sure, I'm sad and all, but I don't really mean to seem sad. I don't want others around me to ask what's wrong because I don't want to add to their troubles, your troubles. I want everyone to remember me as Happy Girl. I don't want to show that I have problems, that I cry at night, or that I do take things seriously.
And so my mask is nearly broken.
Maybe it's time to stop pretending.
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Beautiful day.
I loved today's mass just because of the priest's sermon. It was very simple yet it all came to me at the right moment. Never let your talents go to waste. No matter how impossible your goals may seem, God will always make a way for you to achieve them.
And so I started to think of the single talent I haven't been honing for the longest time: singing. When was the last time I really sang? With no inhibitions at all? I can't even remember. "Yeah," I thought to myself. "I should try singing again sometime."
A few moments before the mass ended, my cousins asked if I still practiced singing. I said no. What a sign.
So, who's game for videoke? IDAFL people, are you?
Oh, and speaking of talents... Err, I can't really say striking a pose for the cam is a talent but I came up with another emo pic tonight.
Never let your talents go to waste, right? ;)
Friday, November 11, 2005
'Drowsy' Friday.
Do not take Delcogen on a school day if it's not no drowse.
I spent practically half of Chem 16 lab sleeping while, yes, standing up. Well, I leaned on the table. Good for me the other section had sked problems and our prof's attention was all on them. Unfortunately, Meg brought her digicam with her and I think she took pics of me while sleeping! Wahahahaha! (Patingin ng pics, Meggy! LOL.) The rest of the gang even clapped when I woke up all of a sudden as I heard the prof speak to our class. And I was too bangag to even feel embarrassed!
Oh, and did I mention we'll be taking Soc Sci 3 under Sir Yacat? Oh yes. Madugo nga siyang prof. Requirements, requirements, and MORE requirements!
So what else happened today?
Chem 16 lec prof didn't come to class. Lech. Why don't those early-morning-subject profs come to class? Don't they realize how important sleep is for hassled students? Haha. The wait was super fun, though. How come my block and adopted block friends are always so hyper?!
Soc Sci 3 got my brain ticking. Yep, you heard that right. Soc Sci 3 as in Gender and Sexuality. O diba? We were asked to write down some topics we would like to discuss and boy, did I write up a mean list! Hahaha! I still can't believe I'm taking up Pan Pil 19 and Soc Sci 3 both in one sem! This really is our libog sem, diba Clauds? ;)
Roddic's with Shobe, Clauds, and Mariel. Winner si Shobe, kumain ulit! And kumusta naman ang batang bawal sa red meat? Siyempre, she ate TAPSILOG! She even forgot to take her antiurolithic tabs at home. But did she forget to take friggin' Decolgen? HELL NOOO. Anyway, after lunch we had ice cream. Yay, Shobe likes green tea too! Yayayayayay! (It always lights me up to know someone else appreciates green tea! :D)
Starbucks with Clauds! Official Starbs buddies na ata tayo, Clauds. Haha. She tried green tea frap too! Weeeee! No boy I like-slash-used-to-like likes Green Tea frap. :( Next time I'm going to try their peppermint brownies! Yayayayay! :D
Good thing it's a Saturday tomorrow. I think I am a heartbeat away from being sick.
Hello, stress. Welcome back.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Second sem starts now.
Okay. What a day. (It rhymes!)
I woke up at 5:30 this morning just for my 7:00 Art Stud 1 class only to find out my prof didn't come to class. How great. I should've slept na lang because my next real class was at 11:30! Kumusta naman?
Talk about peer pressure. I was this >< close to cancelling my Psych 101 class (MTh 1-2:30) with Sir Clemente just because my friends are in Ma'am Barra's (MTh 8:30-10) class. Mico, Clauds, and Joy Co actually convinced me to sit in. O diba? Then again, I think I like my prof better. We'll still have Chem 16 together anyway. :P
I hate introduce yourself drills during the first day of classes. I tend to say the same things anyway. I love dogs, I can't dance, et cetera, et cetera. Whatever. But then we had this drill in Pan Pil 19 wherein we had to tell the whole class the sexiest part of our body and of course, why. Haha. Want to know what I said? My neck. Why? Ask me in person. Haha. Confidential yun. Right, Clauds? :P
After class, I had a fishball date with Clauds and Joy. But before we enjoyed our fishballs, we also had a Toki joyride. (WTF is wrong with my words? Haha.) I MISSED THE FISHBALLS AT MB! WAAAA! At Joy, sa wakas, natuloy na rin ang fishball date natin. And did I mention that the three of us caught someone *hint RHEA hint* in the act... Hmmmm...
4 PM, meeting with co-inductees. Goodness, there's just so much to do in so little time. I'm part of the AVP committee and Ate Nina and I have to work on the Inductees Special issue of Psycle! The timing of business is juuuust perfect! Time to forget... Hmmmm...
Well, what do you know. So much done on the first day of the second sem.
College life doesn't get any better than this!
(And anytime soon I most probably will get sick. Boo-hoo.)
SPECIAL SHOUTOUTS
Clauds. Thanks for listening kanina to my sharing. Haha. And I've been playing Mistaken over and over! Haha. Bagay ata talaga? Then again, looks like I don't need a new C na. Haha.
La Reina de IDAFL. I hope to formulate IDAFL questions by Friday night. Will YM or email you. Hehe.
Joy. Next time ulit! Siomai naman? ;)
Kuya AJ. Thank you sa sermon. :)
Joy Co. I remembered you lang. Haha. Dumadaan ka pala sa blog ko. See you ng 7 AM this Monday! ;)
Saturday, November 05, 2005
However far away, I will always love you...
The hardest part in loving somebody would always have to be letting go. You let go when he or she is no longer happy. You let go when he or she has to leave. You let go when he or she hurts too much and that that somebody will be better off somewhere or with someone else.
I woke up this morning with puffy eyes I could barely open. That was what I got for practically crying the whole night. No, it wasn't about some guy. It was about Margot, the one who saved me from last year's depression. I wish I had known earlier that losing her would bring even greater grief.
I thought our visit yesterday would be happy. In fact, when she was let out of the fence, I was the first she approached. We still couldn't touch her, so she rubbed her nose against my jeans. I was so glad she could still recognize me. I wanted to hug her, but I couldn't. She needed to recover some more.
I remember my dad always telling me how she has been recovering--her wounds have dried up and are close to healing, she now joins the other dogs when they run, blah, blah--and somehow I expected to see her home again soon. But I had expected too much. Margot would never come back. It looks like she would be staying at my dad's friend's house for the rest of her life.
"She looks happy there naman na," my dad kept telling me.
You see, I take pride in Margot's strength, maybe not in body but definitely in character. Although she can run a mean six kilometers in a day, her bodily defenses are weaker than that of normal dogs. Her galis started as early as a month after she came here and it has never disappeared. Last July when it got worse, she was brought to stay at her vet's place. For a month she stayed there until she got better. She was taken home again but again she got worse. And this time was time, it was the worst.
Everyday, she would rub her body against any surface she was on. Her wounds wept fresh blood, she started losing hair, and her face began to swell until her distinctly dobe face turned more into that of a pitbull. There even came a point when she could no longer open her eyes. Of course, I was lucky enough not to witness that because I was in Manila. My parents even caught Margot's depression. My dad kept researching on ways how to cure her but it seemed like the best way to save her from suffering was to put her to sleep. And nobody wanted that. She herself believed she would die soon and when she was to be taken away, she jumped from the truck and went back as if saying she would want to die at home.
It just so happened that my dad had a friend who was an ultimate dog lover. He volunteered to take care of Margot until she was well. He also got one of the best vets just for her. He treats Margot very well since he knows she has always been well-loved. Because of this, my dad decided to leave Margot there also considering that Margot's body really could not survive here at home. We can still visit her, of course. Tito August knows how much everybody in the fam loves Margot, even my mom who never really liked animals.
Still, I find it hard to let go. I know she'll be better off at Tito August's place but I just find all this change so sudden. And that makes it more painful. Nobody really told me how bad Margot's condition was. Sure, they didn't want that to add to my stress. My mom also confessed last night that she told the driver not to describe how Margot looked like. I guess that's why nobody really talked about Margot. All they told me was that she was going to be okay.
What's even painful is that I wasn't there for her. It was really unfair since she never left my side when I needed her. She healed me in all ways possible and she never failed to make me feel better each day. I would always look back on the days when she would lie on my lap as I sit on the porch and when I would start to cry, she would cry with me. But where was I when she needed me? I never went home the whole month of September. I wasn't there on her 1st birthday and most importantly, I wasn't there when she was terribly ill.
No matter how hard it is to accept, I do have to be happy. We all know it's for the better. We're doing this for her own good. We would all want to see her happier and most importantly, healthier.
I'm still hoping for a miracle to come, though. Who knows?
As for now, all I have is this picture to look at and our good memories to look back on whenever I badly miss my Margot.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Reliving the spirit of Ohana.
If there's one thing I've been missing out on since college life started, it's being with family. Sure, Papa Boy and the Asidos are just about a hundred and seventy steps away. But no hugs could be tighter and warmer than those your mom, dad, and siblings give.
For me, sembreak wasn't just about going out or lazing around or spending the whole day online. Sembreak meant going home to Dagupan City and enjoying the company of my family. (Meeting up with old buddies is still second best.) Nevermind if Girlie talks too much. Nevermind if my parents would only allow me to go on Alvin-free gimmicks. Nevermind if Gabo's the newest alaskador in the family. (I can't believe that kid just dethroned me.) Nevermind if Aldrich tends to nag too much but doesn't take criticism lightly. Nevermind if we're all just too different. When we have fun, we own fun.
I'm glad we were finally complete this Undas, which I call Halloweek. I so looked forward to spending time with each member of the family. Believe it or not, I missed arguing with my parents even over petty things, nagging my siblings, helping clean up their vomit, splitting a chocolate bar (which I got used to having to myself for quite a while, hehe) into four (or worse, six)... in short, I missed looking out for these five other people who make up my ohana.
Ohana means family and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.
I'm lucky to say every member of my family has lived up to the very idea of this Lilo and Stitch quote since Day One. Every kid always gets a bag of candy--Chesca still included, of course. When my parents shop, every kid gets something. On family trips, nobody gets left behind. And I mean always.
My siblings and I, despite our five-to-four-year age gaps, remain close. (Well, we've gone through drastic measures to control our tempers, you know.) It's funny how my eight-year-old brother and my seven-year-old sister could laugh with Ald and I about the dramatic fights we've had before. Recently, we looked back on a certain scenario two years ago that starred Gabo. I was on the other line and called our PLDT number. Then answered Ald, who was briefed to ride along with whatever I would say to make Gabo cry.
*phone rings*
Me: Hello, ito ba yung bahay ni Dr. Sumilang?
Ald: Ha? Ay, opo. Bakit po?
Me: Ahh, ito si Mrs. Reyes, ang tunay na ina ni Gabo. Pwede ko na ba siyang kunin?
Ald: (makes voice louder for Gabo to hear clearly) O, MRS. REYES! KUMUSTA NA? KAYO YUNG TUNAY NA INA NI GABO DIBA? GUSTO NIYO NA SIYANG KUNIN? SUUURE, NO PROBLEM!
Gabo starts crying and shouting, HINDI AKO AMPON! SI MAMA AT PAPA ANG TUNAY NA MAGULANG KO!
Also recently, we decided to make fun of that Reyes incident. We made up some last names of our tunay na magulang. So now we're Chesca Cruz, Aldrich Lopez, Gabo Reyes, and Girlie Santos. (How extraordinary last names, don't you think? LOL.) Here's another drama from one of Gabo's and my fight:
TO;CHEZ
FROM: GABO
SIGURADO AKO NEVER MO NA AKO MAGIGING LOVE YOU HATE ME PATAYIN MO NA AKO BUKAS O KAYA PAKUHA MO NA AKO KAY REYES
A DRAMA BY: GABO REYES
And as for my parents, though it's another story (Read my other entries for hints. LOL.), they're pretty much amazed on how creatively the four of us bond from making up last names of our true parents to playing silly games on roadtrips to getting carried away and singing the same song together with feelings. They must feel lucky to have weird kids too.
Everybody loves seeing a happy family. And I love being in one.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
To those who wonder where the hell my life went, it's in my LJ. I screwed up my layout here but I don't know if I'll still fix it or I'll leave chesca.whapak.com for good.
HTML can be such a bitch.
EDIT: Eeengk. It's fixed na pala. Anyway, please stop spamming the tagboard. Respect my webspace as you would want yours to be respected. Thank you, God bless, and HAPPY ALL SAINTS' DAY.
