Monday, February 13, 2006
Valentine's is sooo commercial!
Don't mind me. I'm just bitter about not having a date tomorrow.
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I loved my Art Stud class earlier. Funny how I managed to be active in the discussion even if I went to class 30 minutes late. :P
Something new I learned today: A guy isn't a real guy if he does not have feminine traits. Why? Simple. These traits define his masculinity. Boys don't cry, sure--men do.
Enlightening, I thought. But here's another one: Maria Clara is not to be considered the ideal Filipina. Maria Clara is weak. Maria Clara grieves the loss of her man. We girls don't want to be like that, do we? We're a whole lot better than that. Salome is the ideal Filipina--strong and tender, independent and caring, all at the same time.
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Exactly a year and two days ago, I was sitting with all my dateless friends in one table as I watched pairs slowdancing in the dim-lit dance floor. It was my last prom, and yes, I was dateless. The guy I had a big crush on had two dates while my ex-boyfriend then took my best friend (not for romantic reasons, though) to our senior prom. A couple of songs have already played and the seats beside me have one by one become vacant. I sighed of relief when Koko approached me and led me to the dance floor. Unfortunately, they decided to change the song and I was forced to dance along to hip-hop. And yes, that was my first dance.
The Prom Queen title, and even the Best Dancing Couple award with the crush, still didn't make up for that sad night. Sure, I was proud to have been the only girl in that sea of gowns who didn't have to wear a wristsage. But deep inside, I just wished I had the guy I wanted as a date or I had accepted his offer to be my last dance. So much for the last prom of my life.
Exactly a year minus one day ago, I went to school with a box of brownies, Toblerones, and a giant Kiss for some of my friends. I was quite cheery that day thinking I got over my prom frustration. And besides, I wanted to treat my friends to something sweet for cheering me up everytime I would whine about those could've beens. I got the surprise of my life, though, when after Computer class as I was about to leave for lunch, that guy from the prom handed me a bouquet and treated me to nachos and coffee.
No more prom this year. No more stressing over the gown and the look, no more May date ka na ba sa prom?s, no more slowdancing... Maybe I would want to redo that whole senior prom thing. Then again, maybe not. Surviving the prom dateless and fresh from a heartbreak is something to indeed be proud of. :)
But there's still one more challenge I am determined to survive: TOMORROW.
Maybe I'll just go home and play Sleeping Beauty with the AC turned on for hours. Or maybe I'll just spend hours in front of this computer just like I do every day.
Or maybe I'll treat myself to some nachos or a mocha.
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If there's one thing that has gotten me into trouble for the past few years that I still don't regret doing, it's loving someone and growing with him in the process.
I know that I'm just too young to take those things too seriously too soon, but I assure everyone that I have not been blinded. And maybe that's love.
You know how you can just hate something, or lots of things even, about a person yet nothing has changed about the way you feel for him? You know how despite all the trials or people keeping you away from each other, you know that even if you're far, far away from him, he will always fill your thoughts? You know how even if you're not really together, you can still see yourself with him in the next five, ten years?
I may be too young for everyone else to actually mean it when I say I'm in love, but not too immature to feel these feelings. If you only knew about everything I've gone through, you would be proud of your little girl. :)
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