Monday, October 16, 2006
Waking up while dreaming.
It's really funny how even if I'm actually in deep sh*t right now, I woke up cheery and managed to stay perky even after an exam. I'm troubled, yes, but I'm strangely happy. Maybe after last night, my parents' sermon finally sinked in and I'm happy because I know there is still hope--I can still get my life back on track after all. Or maybe I'm happy because I was reassured of the presence of my parents in my life--maybe that sermon was all I needed to regain hope and dignity.
Ma, Pa, I'm sorry for being such a frustration. I'm sorry for learning how to lie and for actually forgetting you were always there for me. I'm sorry I got myself in such a big mess, I know I've upset you too much and I've done too much stupidity on impulse. But I promise I'm going to fix this mess, and I'm going to prove that I'm worthy of another chance.
Suddenly, all I want is your sermons. Being in the hot seat sure is the scariest thing but right after everything that's been said, one thing prevails--you love me so much and you only want what's best for me.
I have been a failure, yes, and I will make sure I won't let you down anymore. Anymore.
***
I can smell the coming of sem break. (One exam, one whopping portfolio to go!) I've got a lot of plans but I don't think I've enough time. I promised myself I'd get my driver's license next week, enroll in boxing classes--no transpo excuse, FP Gym's near our place, read a pile of books I've been itching to leaf through, work on the Psychsoc website, go out with high school and college friends, and more! I also learned that Margot's giving birth on the 26th so I just have to be there to make sure she's well taken care of.
Oh, but too much fascination with Hawai'i (which was rekindled by my Music class) has left me yearning to go to the beach! I actually want to go to Bolinao--alone. It would be nice to spend a day on the beach alone. I'd really like some time to meditate while sitting on the shore and listening to the waves. And then I'd go snorkeling for a while then watch the sun set by myself. And then I'd sleep alone in a comfy bed and come the next day, I'd take the bus back to Dagupan and come home refreshed and a completely satisfied and independent person. But well, I'm sure my parents won't let me so maybe I'll try doing that when I'm older. But I really want to do that at least once in my life.
And yes, I'd love to go to the Sandwhich Islands for vacation. I haven't been there but I'm sure it's even more beautiful than I've imagined. I'd love to get leid right as I land and I'm sure I just won't get enough of Hawaiian reggae playing. And maybe then I'd have my diver's license and I could check out what's it like under Hawaiian waters. And then I'd bake myself under the Hawaiian sun and take pictures of the loveliest tan ever. I just can't wait to get a taste of the beautiful Hawaiian culture, music, people, and landscapes!
*snap*
And it looks like I've been dreaming too much.
One 10-to-15-page Lingkod Aral paper coming up!
