Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Femme fatality.
It's funny how men and even society belittle women. Sure, more and more people are now confessing to be feminists but still, the members of the female specie are still looked down on. Gender stereotypes, often negative, are everywhere--that thing about lady drivers, PMS as an excuse to be pushy, that a girl wants flowers on every special occasion, shopping as a sport... You know, the usual.
Once upon a time in a forest far, far away lived Man and Woman. Man was perfectly blessed with sinews and Woman was perfectly blessed with virtue. He lived in a bush under a tree while she lived in a cave she had found herself. Everyday, Man tried to build a house like Woman's but he failed. Everyday he searched for logs and put them together but those logs still did not protect him. Day by day, he tried and day by day, he failed. But little did he know that, day by day, Woman watched him.
At night, she would hear him shiver and complain about the cold and in the heat of midday, she would hear him gasping for breath. She then decided one day to help Man, but secretly. While Man was away looking for sturdy logs, she sewed leaves together and put the blanket inside his house. To take care of the heat, she cut part of the bush after she discovered that opening would make it easy for Man to see there was a stream nearby where he could bathe in its cool waters. Woman was about to leave when Man arrived.
He was surprised to see someone else in his house, and his house... Why, it was entirely different! When he demanded to know who the stranger was and what she was doing there, all Woman said was that she lived in the cave nearby and she came to help him because she sensed his discomfort. And while this happened, a part of him hurt as he found out that Woman was able to think of ways to ease his discomfort that he himself didn't think of. But then she just walked away. Man watched as she entered the dark opening and disappeared.
That night, Man could not sleep. He never know someone else existed, someone who looked almost the same as he did. But no matter how alike they seemed, that someone seemed completely different. That someone thought of things he had never thought of before. That someone remained calm despite his rage. And that someone's calmness actually toned his rage down. That someone understood him and did not judge him at once. And that was the moment when he realized he needed that someone.
And so Man tried to win Woman's heart. She decided to give up her cave because she wanted to leave comfort. She was ready to suffer from extreme cold and scorching heat to be able to be there for Man, who didn't want to leave his own house. She knew Man needed her and so she made sure she was there to protect him. Man wanted to be wild and free but all Woman wanted was to keep an eye on Man so he wouldn't hurt himself. Woman knew there were savage beasts out there that would pose as threats to their safety but she also knew Man needed his daily dose of adventure. So she set him limits. Man loved to run wild, woman loved to think wild. And eventually they had children. But their relationship became rocky because Woman needed help in caring for their children but Man insisted on still running wild. They argued almost everyday.
One day, while the two were arguing, Woman slipped from the edge of the cliff. She held on to a branch as she screamed for help. Man just watched her reach out hand asking for his.
"Why won't you help me?" Woman said. "After all those years I've helped you with just about everything, why won't you help me?"
Man thought hard. He knew deep inside that he still needed her but there was this part of him that was hurt as he heard what she just said. Yes, that part was the same part that hurt when he found out that Woman was able to think of things he couldn't. He wanted to show her he did not need her after all. Her hands were slipping but he just stared at her.
"I have lived alone and survived before you came along," he said.
And she fell right before he was able to say, "But you made me life much better."
No one knows if Man taught his sons to be bitter to their sisters or if the children just assumed their parents' roles in the family. But one thing's for sure: Their children never found out that it was Woman who really built their house, who knew of better ways to survive but gave up her own comfort just because of Man's pride, who knew she was strong enough on her own but never wanted Man to feel intimidated, who raised all ten children by herself while Man was out in the woods searching for adventure... Woman never got the credit she deserved.
And so their story is relived over and over again.
Men claim to be strong. They carry heavy things, drive their million-peso babies feeling all macho, claim to be good at holding back tears, and don't ask for directions even if they're nearing the opposite end of their destinations. And why do they do that? Simple. They do not want to be weak. 'Coz that's what makes them more of a woman.
Oh, so if you guys think we're weak, try wearing high heels the whole prom night with every effort not to show how much your feet hurt. Try having to wear a mini skirt for a nightout with every effort not to reveal those panties. Try having to carry a baby inside your belly for nine whole months with every effort not to let it affect work too much. (And going through that more than once for most women!) Try having to lose blood every month through that opening "down there" with every effort to ignore those stomach cramps and that nausea and the paranoia that you might already have a big, red stain. Try having your tits made the object of a conversation with every effort to hold your head up high and ignore them. Try having your boyfriend cheating on you and ditching you for some girl you know who wouldn't take care of him as much as you did with every effort not to kneel in front of him just to ask him back. Try being held back from a relationship with someone you really love by your parents not just because you're too young but also because you're a girl with every effort to show everyone that you've moved on and you're no longer hurting.
Try that on for size.
And only then can we tell who's stronger.
And maybe then Woman can finally be honored.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Recharging.
I love my mom. She goes here from Dagupan and back just to meet with possible coordinators for my debut. Oh, and my dad visited me (along with my mom) for the very first time. :P
I hate not being able to spend the weekend in Dagupan. I miss my siblings and our dogs. I wish I could give Girlie a congratulatory hug for rising up the ranks (from #6 to #3! That kid's so grade-conscious at such a young age!) Suddenly the tides are turning, she's doing great in school and I'm, well, still mediocre. :P But I really am proud of her. I wish I would have the same attitude towards school and grades, but no, it has never been like that ever since.
Anyway, back to the debut preparations, I just love the plans! I just hope they turn out the way we want them to on the day itself. One reason why I chose to have a debut party instead of a trip somewhere or even a car is that I want to be reunited with the all the people really close to me, even for just one night. You know, it'll also serve as a tribute to them, who've guided and influenced me while I was growing up... They do deserve recognition and all.
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I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I've come up with the best gift I would like to receive on my birthday: I want to inspire more people to believe more in their dreams, to adhere to their principles, to work for world peace (~Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with meeee...~), to simply be themselves, to work for equal rights and equal treatment among all genders, to share blessings with the less-fortunate, to uplift the value of human labor (Riiight!), to stand up for themselves, to be more optimistic about life, to honor their families, to try something out of character just for kicks, to excel more, and to bring cheer to those who badly need it.
I so want to be a better person before I turn 18, I really do. Quite pressuring, yeah, but this change isn't just for me. It will affect those I love, and even those who aren't close to me or who don't know me at all.
The more positive charges on earth, the lesser the negative ones will be. Once neutralized, I want to be the excess positive charge to make the whole world positively charged. (Yebah. Go Chem 16!)
I am hopeful that we'll all charge positively someday. I'm positive. :P
Saturday, January 14, 2006
"Why fit in when you can stand out?"
I hate this tag line not just because it's so cliche but also because it misleads other people to believe they actually are better than the others. It supersizes a lot of egos and keeps a lot of chins down as well. (See how powerful advertising is?) It is seen in almost every blog, Friendster profile, and e-mail signature, often in big, red, and bold characters. Saddening how just eight small words can corrupt young minds everywhere.
I admit to having been a victim of this tagline when I was a little younger and a lot less wiser. I lived up to its every word, thinking a girl like me with such low self-esteem could pull off a red tank in a sea of Plain Janes wearing pastel. I wore heels around those taller girls who made me feel less prettier because I was inches shorter with just flats. Those were hard times and I sure needed to cope up. I believed I stood out, but I was never happy or at least satisfied. Nothing feels happy when it's pilit.
I understand that everyone feels the need to stand out once in a while. It is surprising, however, that it is mere insecurity that drives us to want to stand out. A person who is more or less contented with his or her life would ask for nothing more than the simple things.
Do not dwell on this tag line. It does not deserve to be made or counted as someone's motto. First of all, you are unique, yes--just like everyone else. We are all more alike than different. It is our own personal experiences that make us different. Then again, we all hurt, cry, laugh, and smile for almost the same reasons. Also, we are all driven by goals that, come to think of it, are almost all the same. (There will always be at least a hundred of people in the whole world who share the same goals or passions you have, no matter how nonconforming or unique you think they are.) Other people also do not deserve to be labelled Plain Janes and Average Joes. Silent waters most of the time run deep. Simple does not always mean boring. (I've had enough of cheap talk, flashy red outfits, copycats who think they get away with copying stuff, papansin laughs, Paris Hilton quotes, and high, high heels anyway.)
You see, a person's worth isn't always about the way he or she talks, dresses, walks, and acts. A person's worth is determined by the good he or she has done to his or her fellowmen, not by how good he or she is at outdoing others.
And as for me, I don't care about standing out. All I want to do is to be myself and live life with my own way of thinking, my own style, my own principles... I don't really care if someone else shares them with me (as long as I know the person isn't just another one of those copycats lurking around).
Don't try standing out, it just won't work. Don't act like a conceited witch with an overinflated ego. Nothing beats being yourself. You'll find yourself happier and freer in no time. ;)
Monday, January 09, 2006
Got my fill of Candy.
We shot at Dencio's Eastwood this afternoon. It was reaaaaally fun. And most of that fun was when we were already eating after the actual shoot. (Thanks Alvin! Dencio's is loooove!) Too bad I didn't bring my cam. There were only two of us who modeled. Maricris Quimson is so gorgeous! She looks like Lindsay Lohan! :D Monica (Yes, the Bayo girl. She was so lovely!) and Ces did great with our hair and make-up. Thanks to Jun the photographer for showing me exactly how to pose, haha! And of course, big thanks to Ms. Angel, Candy's editorial assistant for asking me to do this shoot. :P
No, it's not a fashion ed or something, just a few situation shoots. I can even relate to one of the articles I posed for. Oh, and I also had to walk/stand on a floor filled with rocks in high heels! (Yes, the things we do for love. Modeling is love no matter what! :D) Won't reveal yet, of course! You'll have to buy Candy's April '06 ish first! ;)
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Go to your music player of choice and put it all on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and after each one press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question.
[01] What do you think of me, iTunes?
[@] Huwag Mo Nang Itanong - Eraserheads (I am shocked. It actually makes sense.)
[02] Will I have a happy life?
[@] I Know What You Want - Busta Rhymes feat. Mariah Carey
[03] What do my friends really think of me?
[@] Money For Food - Barbie's Cradle
[04] Do people secretly lust after me?
[@] Having You Near Me - Air Supply (Sooo....?)
[05] How can I make myself happy?
[@] What If - Babyface (Awww...)
[06] What should I do with my life?
[@] Lose My Breath - Destiny's Child (Meaning...?)
[07] Why must life be so full of pain?
[@] Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Queen (Now this is what you call "coincidence"!)
[08] How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
[@] Out Of Time - Blur
[09] Will I ever have children?
[@] Where Is The Love - Black Eyed Peas (LOL!)
[10] Will I die happy?
[@] Yeah, Whatever - Splender (Teka, pinagtitripan mo ba ako?!)
[11] Can you give me some advice?
[@] Jamie - Dashboard Confessional
[12] What do you think happiness is?
[@] As Lovers Go - Dashboard Confessional (Weeeeh. Now this is shocking.)
[13] What's my favourite fetish?
[@] We Got The Beat - The Go-Go's
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*burp*
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Me, my mom, and Pink
Hope I made you happy with Pink. You deserve it, Anak, you've been good naman so it's the least I could do. Stay good! I love you. Hope you continue to count your blessings not focus on what you don't have rather just keep thanking God for everything He has blessed you with. You may not have everything you want and desire but you have a million reasons to smile and be happy.
Thanks so much, Ma! Thanks for being one of those reasons. Don't you worry, I'll take extra good care of Pink. *hugs*
To Pink: I've waited soooo long for you to come into my life. Although we've just met and I'm still figuring which buttons to push at the right time, I'm definitely sure we're going to be good friends! ;)
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Got tagged by Leah
1) The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover.
2) Need to mention the sex of the target.
3) Tag 8 victims to join this game & leave a comment on their Comments saying they've been tagged.
4) If tagged the 2nd time, theres no need to post again.
Target: Male
1. Someone who could put up with my crap. I'm a person who suffers from a great deal of moodswings. I take even the smallest things seriously one moment then I wouldn't seem to care at all the next. I want someone who would understand, someone who would wait for me to stop nagging before he nags back, someone who would really listen and hold on to the littlest details in conversations.
2. Someone who'd love Margot as much as I do. Margot really means a lot to me. She's the only family pet I've cried three straight hours and woke up with really puffy eyes the morning after for. I want someone who would understand how much I love Margot, someone Margot wouldn't bark at, someone who would pet her everytime he sees her.
3. Someone who'd get along with my family. I want someone who'd gamely drink beer and play darts with my dad, volunteer to carry my mom's shopping bags, play pong with Ald, exchange corny jokes with Gabo, and drive Girlie to school when I'm not around. Of course, he also has to get along with my cousins and has to be found hot by my lolas.
4. Someone totally honest. No lies, please.
5. Someone who would really know me. I want someone who would know even the smallest things I like. I want someone who'd surprise me with even just a slice of my favorite Midnight cake from Sugarhouse, order a Green Tea frap when I say "Just get me anything", play my favorite song when I'm around... You know, just those. ;)
6. Someone who would read my Friendster bulletins and my blogs... even if we spend everyday together. Oh, and he would even leave comments.
7. Someone who won't dare hurt me. Physically and emotionally, of course. No sadists allowed. :P
8. Someone who would tell me I'm beautiful at the peak of an acne breakout. Now who wouldn't want that?
So I'm tagging: Jenn, Jove, Jenny, Izzel, Ley, Trixie, ZzZ, and Bon
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Post-Chem 16 trauma.
 Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com |
There is a 94% chance for me to fail my first exam in Chem 16. I wasn't sure about my answers. It was damn hard, at least for me.
And I said I was determined to go to Med. But with my last performance in Math 17 and my recent one in Chem, I'm starting to think twice. Hell, will I get another tres?! And what about Physics 71? Chem (insert number here)? Bio 11? Bio 12? Bio (insert number here)?
I know, I know, it's just the first long exam. But I'm aiming for an exemption from the Finals and I need to get at least a 2.0 and I need to pass ALL exams. Eh paano na yun?
So... Can I just shift to Fine Arts, Comm Res, or Philo? ;P
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
New wave for the troubled soul.
I feel better now. New wave is an instant upper! ...Everytime you do that thing you do... Listening to emo after a terrible argument with someone depresses me more. Kuya AJ was right all along. (Then again, I still love my emo to pieces.)
I slept at 4 AM already YM-ing with a high school friend,
It's my little sister's 7th birthday today. My, she's growing up so fast. I can't wait 'til she goes to college and stays with us here in Manila. We'd go shopping together, foodtripping, and I'd play the strict sister who wouldn't let her go out on dates! *evil laugh*
Nevermind that. Just one of those effects of insomnia. I'm officially a plagued insomniac. Not nice. I only have four months to grow, haha!
So here I am, still hoping for better days to come. Please, 2006, you just have to be good to me!
Thanks to Ate Faith, Marielle, Clauds, and Rhea for making me feel better. *hugs*
"If someone's making you unhappy, then he/she is not worth your time. And you're definitely worth anyone's time." - Thanks so much, Clauds. ;)
Monday, January 02, 2006
Wishing for a HAPPIER new year.
I couldn't say 2005 was the best or worst year I've ever lived in, but I could say it was the most extreme. It started great but well, it had such a so-so ending.
I've finally had a taste of real modeling, won of a silver medal from the Nationals, learned a lot of lessons--both in life and in the academe (most of them from UP), met such great people (from work, school, the Internet, and random places), met some people whose names I used to just read in magazines, had my picture taken with Japoy Lizardo, graduated from high school, been more independent, been more successful with soul-searching.
However, this year was the emo-est (yes, emo-er than 2004). I've had depression attacks every now and then for the smallest to the weirdest reasons. I have had to part or spend less time with some people I loved dearly. Margot got terribly ill, I had to leave home for college, my high school barkada and I went to different universities, some ties with some people just got too stressed, etc.
Looking back on last year's list of resolutions made me laugh. Only two out of seven were accomplished. (And Raph, they aren't #7 and #4!) I've been a baaaad girl.
And so I spent the whole New Year's Day thinking about making another list. I don't want to be pressured to change, I might overdo growing up. I want to live day by day not worrying about tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, the next ten years...
I don't want to live the rest of my life bounded by plans. I want to cut my hair when I feel like it, love like it's never going to hurt, dance like nobody's watching (and like I know how to, haha), scream at the top of my lungs as if no one can hear, cry instead of faking a smile in a picture, do a swimwear shoot, get really tan and look sizzling, attend a VTR with just blush and lip gloss, score a major project (which I'll be praying really hard for), finally become a CS or US... and finally snap out of depression once and for all.
Looks like I got myself a list after all!
Here's to a better year (I hope!) waiting for all of us.
HAPPY 2006!
